Saturday, September 5, 2015
Eighteen years ago I found myself on my own dealing with an unplanned pregnancy with only my parents for support. The birth father had walked away from us. I was scared. I was lost. I knew I wasn't ready to raise a child on my own. I had just turned twenty and had to move back in with my parents. I sat with my mom one day and talked about my options. At that time I didn't really know anything about adoption. My mom helped me research open adoption. I decided that an open adoption was the right choice for both of us. The boy I was carrying was my heart and soul. He was everything to me. I needed to know him. I needed to see him become a man. I needed him to know how much I loved him and always would. My midwife gave me the name of a lawyer. He started getting family profiles together for me to look at. My mom found the most amazing family for me. My lawyer tried to talk me out of meeting the family that my mom found. I insisted on meeting them and knew that night that they were the perfect family to raise my boy. I refused to look at any other family. I have never regretted my decision to place. I have never wished that things were different. I have always known that adoption was the best option for both of us. I have been blessed to be a part of their family, to watch my birth son grow to become an amazing and handsome young man. I have been blessed to have him grow to become one of my most treasured friends. The future scares me and I don't know why. I know I have a great relationship with him. At times I feel so alone. I have birth mom friends but I can't share these feelings. I can't always share my thoughts with him. I have been lost in my thoughts all day today. My birth son is a senior in high school this year, he turns 18 in just a few months. I'm proud of him. I couldn't be prouder. But, I'm scared.